25 June, 2009

i carry your heart with me

*Image found here

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)

i am never without it(anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet)

i want no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

23 June, 2009


My favorite ballet shoes in the 2nd grade. Keys. Cameras. Phones. Respect. The ability to do the splits. Patience. My grandfather. Phone numbers. Optimism. Last year’s tax forms. Teeth. Karate matches. Freckles ( I want them back). A locket I found on the sidewalk when I was eight and wore everyday for a month (easy come, easy go). Weight. Touch with friends. Sleep. My sanity.

19 June, 2009

Air France: Never Again

A middle aged man makes his way down the aisle, his gaze focused on the seat next to me. He sits down and immediately introduces himself. Steve from Switzerland is to be my flight companion. We haven't even taken off and already I know too much information about him (and his daughter's marital problems). I pull out a book, mumbling something about a headache. Not even his lilting accent can hold my attention.

My mind drifts off, conversations floating all around me. I hear a word in Armenian and I focus, trying to figure out who is speaking in a language I rarely hear outside my home. I turn around, am pleasantly surprised to find two hansome men sitting behind me. They are Armenian from Ukraine. Arsen, Artem and I start talking. They are flying Chicago-Paris-Madrid-Budapest and then driving to their hometown in Ukraine, while my last stop is Madrid. In the space of 20 minutes we're already making jokes, laughing and causing a small ruckus in our section of the plane.

We're interrupted by the pilot: "Ladies and Gentlemen, we regret to inform you that due to mechanical problems with the engine we will be slightly delayed. We are waiting for the technicians and expect to be moving for a test run in approximately an hour".

Great, there goes my connecting flight.

Two hours later, we're told that the flight is being cancelled. Chaos. People rush out of their seats, flight attendants try to keep order, yelling, shoving, questions crowd the air. Artem and Arsen, who don't speak English, immediately appoint me as their makeshift travel coordinator, I'm responsible for getting them to Ukraine as well as getting myself to Madrid.

We, along with some 250 others, head to the Air France ticket counter. I'm expecting an orderly line of agents. I see only three. Three agents per 250 people. Surely they could have managed to pull more people during the three hours we were standing on the runway?

An Agent stands on top of the counter and yells: "Two lines. Emergencies, to the left. All others, to the right". Artem, Arsen and I crowd our way into the emergency line. I have to fly out within the next few hours or I will miss my connection the the program where I am teaching english. Artem and Arsen have a business deal closing the next day. Apparently, so does everyone else. 250 people push and shove their way to the emergency line.

We wait for two hours. TWO hours. Air France agents (all three of them) are getting angry, yelling at the passengers, standing on counters and shouting orders. The passengers are frustrated. French and English swear words abound. Merde, alors. Bordel!

An old woman approaches me. She heard me speaking Russian with the boys, could I possibly help her figure out her ticket? She's headed to Moscow. Feeling like a UN ambassador, I elbow my way up to the front of the line and approach an Agent. My friends and I need to get on the next flight out of here, going anywhere in Europe. It's an emergency, I stress. "Join the club", he says and waves me away.

Twenty minutes later, he calls me over. "How can I help you?", he asks. I take a deep breath, and launch into my explanation, again. "I'm sorry, miss. The last flight out of Chicago is leaving in five minutes. You'll have to spend the night here", his voice seems to say that he is anything but sorry.

Thank you, sir. Had you told me this twenty minutes ago, when I asked, we would have been on that flight.

I am given a piece of paper with a phone number and told to call immediately to make reservations for the next day. I call, am told that all representatives are busy and to simply show up at the Air France counter at 8 the next morning to make a new reservation.

Artem, Arsen and I spend a night at the nearby Hilton. Over dinner, they tell me about their families, jobs and plans for the future. Exhausted, we make our way to bed and head to the airport early the next morning. The Air France ticket counter is surrounded by passengers from the night before. Propped on the counter is a cardboard sign reading, TICKET COUNTER CLOSED UNTIL 11 A.M.


"Making The Sky The Best Place On Earth"? I don't know about that, but they sure know how to make Hell on Earth.

(Looking back, and considering Air France's latest catastrophe, I am extremely lucky. I could have been on a different Air France flight with far larger problems)

18 June, 2009

My First Award!

I've received my first blog award!! Thank you, Annika!

The award is given by other bloggers who consider a blog’s content or design to be brilliant. The awardee must then post ten honest things about themselves and pass the award on to other bloggers who fit the bill – in other words, whose blog is brilliant.

Ten honest things about me....voila:

1. I hate, hate, hate being nagged. The more I am nagged, the more I put off the task, just out of spite.

2. I am a Celine Dion fan. I did grow up in Quebec, after all! She's our most famous export. My very first CD was her D'eux album, and those songs remain my favorites today.

3. I sometimes stop making or taking calls, responding to e-mails and other communication, just because I need a break. This can last a few days or weeks. I know its time to get back into the game when I get calls or emails asking "are you alive???"

4. All the men I've dated are foreign: French, Spanish, Portuguese, Armenian and Russian. What can I say, I'm a sucker for accents!! I'm a culture whore ; ) As such, most of my relationships have been long distance. I'm looking forward to having a relationship where I can show up on my boyfriend's doorstep without having to take a transatlantic flight.

5. I'm impulsive, curious and spontaneous to a fault. Climb over that gated fence? Sure. Book plane tickets for flights within Europe without booking a plane ticket TO Europe? Why not, they were on sale!

6. I love driving. Sometimes I will drive the long way just to have more time in the car. Windows open, music playing, I'm in control.

7. I'm a book nerd. Ridiculously so. I can read a 300 page book from start to finish in an hour or two. The library and bookstores are my favorite places to go to relax.

8. I am a complete retard when it comes to math and science. I couldn't help my sister with her 5th grade homework and I still can't quite explain photosynthesis. Funny, considering both my parents are genius scientists.

9. I dream of one day owning a tea shop/cafe/bookstore by the mediterranean. A cozy place with shuttered windows, a counter full of tempting sweets, artwork on the walls and cozy armchairs surrounded by bookshelves (see # 7).

10. I lost my phone almost a month ago and have JUST now ordered a replacement. I don't miss it, at all. I briefly considered just getting a house phone but my family and friends threw a temper tantrum, so I relented.There! 10 things. Now, I'm passing the award on to these lovely writers who inspire me daily:

Jou Jou




17 June, 2009

Domani e Gia Qui

In memoria delle vittime del terromoto che ha colpito l’Abruzzo nell’aprile. Dedicato a chi lavora per la ricostruzione. Se siamo insieme, domain e gia qui

In memory of the victims of the earthquake that struck Abruzzo this past April. Dedicated to those who work towards reconstruction. If we are together, tomorrow is already here.

Conversations With My Mother

Now that my parents are finally realizing that I am SERIOUS about moving to Paris, I think they may be starting to freak out a little.

"Maybe you should think about staying in the the U.S. where you can make more money, and then taking frequent vacations to Europe. You may be happier that way".

Does two weeks of vacation time a year count as "frequent"?

I think I'll stick to my plan, thank you.

She Listens Like Spring And She Talks Like June

I think and think and think, I've thought myself out of happiness one
million times, but never once into it.
-everything is illuminated

Last night, I lay awake in bed, thinking. City lights poured in through the open windows, a light breeze blew the curtains in and out. I thought about what I wanted from life, who I wanted, if I'd ever find what it is I'm looking for. What is it that I'm looking for?

After hours and hours spent looking up at the ceiling, I still don't have the answers. I know only two things for sure: I am starting my Master's Program this August, and I am moving to Paris next year. Everything else is up to the Universe. So, I've decided to stop thinking and have faith that the answers will come when I am ready for them. For now, I'm going to focus on loving myself, improving myself, and aiming for those goals that are within my reach.

Universe, the ball's in your court.

15 June, 2009

Valium, Anyone?

Have I mentioned lately how much I loathe my roomate? On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd go with 100. Most days, I have to remind myself that although our backyard would be a convenient place to hide a body, orange isn't my color.

Today, I wore an orange scarf to work and have received many compliments. Maybe orange is not such a bad color afterall.

08 June, 2009

4 Mots Sur Un Piano

Vous étiez ma vie comme la nuit et le jour
Vous deux, nouez, filiez mon parfait amour
Un matin vous m'avez condamnée à choisir
Je ne vous aimais qu'à deux
Je vous laisse, adieu
Choisir serait nous trahir