22 July, 2009

Boyfriends Past

L’amour, pas pour moi
Tous cestoujours”,
C’est pas net,
ça joue des tours,
Ca s’approche sans se montrer,
Comme un traître de velours,
Ca me blesse ou me lasse selon les jours
Pourquoi faire ce tas de plaisirs, de frissons, de caresses, de pauvres promesses ?
A quoi bon se laisser reprendre
Le cour en chamade,
Ne rien y comprendre,
C’est une embuscade.

I was walking yesterday and bumped into someone I used to date. I can't say that he broke my heart, or that I was devastated after our break-up, but I put a lot of time and effort into the relationship, and when he decided he couldn't commit (this way to Baggage Claim) I was left hanging.

The meeting was awkward, and in between empty promises to "get together sometime", I felt a rush of nostalgia for all my previous relationships.

It's not that I miss them, I miss what I had with them. The hand written notes, secret smiles, inside-jokes, flower deliveries, afternoons spent lying in the park, vacations for two, nights filled with passion, others filled with serenity. I miss being in a relationship, having that one person I can call or write to any time of day and know that they are thinking of me also. I miss having a male best friend.

Don't get me wrong...I don't mind being single. I thrive on the freedom and lack of constraints. But there's always a night when, after hours spent warding away all the creepos who frequent the social scene, I crawl into bed and wish there was someone I could text to say good-night, I love you.

After a year spent thinking that I had found this person, it's hard to adjust, to go back to not knowing what, or who, to expect.


204 said...

I get this way, also. sometimes about one or two guys in particular. I had a hankering for my recent ex, if you can even call him that today. missed his mischievious face more than I could even utter. then I remembered how mean I found he could be ...and I got over it. but yes, being single is liberating ...and creepy ...and ocassionally sad.

katerinafiore said...

Sweetie, I so understand how you feel. Being in limbo myself, I dont know how to think or what I can or cannot do. Enjoy every moment you have with yourself and soon, out of the blue, all of a sudden there will be a plus one in your life. It is ALWAYS how it happens :) baci!